On Stress and Worry

I often worry.
Usually for no reason (if there’s ever a truly valid reason to worry).

Right now, I stress out, whether to take laptop with me on the trip to Corby.

What is the point of this worry? Why do I make myself suffer with taking the decision? Well while I write this I already decided that I do take it so now I’m quite relaxed. Relaxation came after Miss D and I had a laughing session about that.

I mean, how crazy it is, to waste the precious time to worry about such silly things? Yet the mind sometimes narrows down to this one thing, this one silly thing, focuses all its attention on it and I become a bundle of stress.

Worry does not bring any benefits. We can’t change or positively affect things with worry. There are none but negative outcomes that come from worrying.

Now, knowing that our health is highly influenced by our environment we can see how detrimental worry is to us.

Continue reading On Stress and Worry

The First 7 Years Of Life

I entertain the idea of the first 7 years of life being crucial to forming the character of a person and being largely responsible for how our life will unfold through our subconscious thought patterns and therefore actions.

When we’re born, we learn by observing and reflection. We observe our parents and learn about this reality from their reactions and responses to what we do, and their overall attitudes and behaviors towards each other and life itself.

The first thing the child does after tripping and falling on the ground, is to look at the parent. If the parent is freaking out, the child will most likely start crying. If the parent is calm, smiling and encouraging the child to get up and continue playing, the child will brush off and go back to play.

The parent is reflecting back what happened to the child, teaching the child how to respond to the situation. The future attitudes will be formed from these simple interactions.

Of course the example above depends on the severity of the accident. We can’t expect that child with a deep cut will happily get up like nothing happened just because the parent responded like nothing happened, but the general attitude and reaction and response patterns are being formed and will determine how a the child will respond to certain situations in the future. Whether she’ll cry and make big fuss after every small bruise or whether she’ll bravely take on challenges and press on in life. Continue reading The First 7 Years Of Life

How to be happy

We often forget that the true happiness is something that emerges from within. We look for it outside of ourselves, trying to find it in “things” to which we attach so much value, overlooking the true source of happiness.

If you want to be happy, make someone else happy.

So what can you do to make yourself happy?

  • look at the small things in your life you have and be grateful for them, don’t take everything for granted
  • focus on what you do have rather than on what you don’t have
  • if you want to be happy, make someone else happy
  • go out for a walk, switch of you phone, connect witch nature
  • don’t think too much of the future (don’t let your mind play dark scenarios of why something won’t work in your head)
  • take lessons from the past, then forget about it
  • make decision to be happy, it is up to you
  • realize that you’re good enough
  • have faith that what is happening in your life is happening for you and not to you
  • do not blame others, stop playing the victim, you’re the one in charge of your life
  • meditate (find a form of meditation that suits you), connect with your “true self”
  • find a sport you like, run, hike, walk, cycle, do whatever… but move your body
  • don’t be your worst judge and critic, be your best friend
  • always believe in yourself
  • try to always finish what you started, you’ll be happier for it, and much more succesfull
  • find time for yourself and do something you like everyday
  • never stop learning, never stop being curious
  • allow yourself to play like a child you once were

There’s so much more that could be added to it… I encourage you to add it in the comments. 🙂

Your talent is a gift you must share with others

I write about fear a lot. I write about it because it is a root of all negativity I see in the world. Fear have many faces. Today I won’t write about fear as much as about something that we need to do despite how scary it may be.

We often concentrate on ourselves and subdue to our fears, that we forget that the gift we have is not for us alone but for others to experience as well. We fear making the decision of following our passion and seeing it through. We fear of what others may think of us and about the actions we take.

We then express some kind of selfishness and decide that it is not worth for us to follow our passion, out of fear of not meeting society’s expectations or not measuring up to the yardsticks that media or society expect us to measure up to.

But our talent (or talents) is not for us to keep, it is “given” to us, so we can share it with the world. So other people too can experience it, enjoy it.

Everyone has a talent or a few. It doesn’t have to be anything special. We often think of talent as one of those “things” that make people popular like painting, playing an instrument being a singer or an actor. I think it is more of a quality we all have rather than specific inclination or predisposition.

Some of us are empathetic and are there when other people need our help or advice. That could be your talent.
Some of us make people smile, make their day better. That could be your talent.
You love to work in your garden, taking care of plants. That could be your talent.

It is not so much of what you do but who you are as a person. Only you know how to be yourself, and being yourself is a talent in itself, it is very valuable. It is the mixture of perspectives, of how we view and experience the world that could make our lives richer, better for all of us.

We are all unique in our expression of being human. We could all be musicians, yet if we fully express ourselves, the music we’ll each make will have its own unique flavor. It doesn’t really matter what you do. There aren’t any extra points for being this or that. You only get points if you share yourself with others.

We are all needed, here on Earth. We all have a purpose. It is up to us, if we’ll live that purpose or not. Whatever it is we have in our hearts, we need to share it with others. We need to let other people experience the best in us, because it is not only for our enjoyment that we are here, but for others to experience us as well.

Why you may sometimes feel depressed

I recently answered this question on Quora and again thought about expanding on it a little and sharing it here.

(depression can have many causes, I’ll write more about depression in future posts)

I think looking at your life and examining it could help you find a source of that spells of depression.

There is something you’re NOT doing (suppressing something within you) that your heart wants you to do. We usually stop ourselves from doing stuff we want doing out of fear:

  • fear of change (even positive change)
  • fear of failure
  • fear of discomfort
  • fear of what other people will say

So let’s say you want to be a photographer, you want to travel, you want to be a musician. But you’re looking around and find reasons (read excuses) not to do that. It won’t pay you enough money, you’re too old, your spouse won’t accept it, people will not understand…

You’re rational, logical and you decide that what your heart is “telling” you to do is just a silly idea. So you put those feelings, that urge of doing what you want doing aside. You bury it deep inside you, deep down into unconscious…

and you feel good… for a while…

These feelings, emotions, urges, they want to be expressed. They are who you are and you can suppress them only for a period of time before they rise again. You may not know what they are right away, but look at them, when you feel these spells of depression, don’t resist, don’t hide. Bring them to awareness.

Depression often comes when a person can’t express him/herself out of fear. No expression = depression.

Look at your life, what are you resisting?

How To Recognize Your Passion

Everything you do that brings you joy could be your passion.

Everything that lets you forget the time, that makes you feel “in the zone” could be your passion.

It is easier to find your passion if you try different things. I think that passion is not something you have but something you develop.

You can’t just sit at home unhappy about yourself because you don’t have any passions. You go out there and try different things and see what makes you feel good, joyful…

You could discover that there’s not one but few things that you could turn into passion.

You could even have a passion right now, but because you’ve been told that the thing you want to do won’t bring you any money, is stupid etc. you rationalized and stopped doing the thing. Our society, education system is built to discourage creative minds and devoid them of passion.

So go out there, start playing, see what makes you feel

And when you find it, focus on it:

  1. Spend time doing that thing, immerse yourself into it, get better at it, practice and enjoy the journey.
  2. Have no expectations of the outcome, just focus on enjoying what you do. You’ll see the results as you’ll get better and that will drive your motivation to get even better at it.
  3. Never let anyone tell you that your passion is not worth pursuing, developing. There will be people that will want to bring you down, out of envy.
  4. Always have the courage to follow your passion, always believe in yourself and you will succeed.

If you back up the desire with strong belief in your ability to reach your goal, you will reach it. The belief “generates” persistence and you have a perfect mixture that brings success.

Practice leads to mastery.

Is it possible to be lonely and happy?

I’ve seen this question on Quora and decided to add my perspective on this.

I thought I’ll share it here as well. Here it is:

People are lonely when they experience a feeling of lack, emptiness inside of them. We then tend to look for something outside of ourselves, that will fill that void. It is largely dictated by our culture/society/education which shapes our behaviors and these sink deep into our subconscious minds.

A lot of marriages are falling apart just because we have certain expectations towards the other person, and we come into relationships “demanding” those to be fulfilled. That’s when we are not whole.

When you are whole, you feel complete, you can be happy even when alone, because your contentment comes from inside of you. Your self worth is not dependent upon any external stimuli.

I think this has to do with growing up all “parts” of yourself. We often fail to recognize that we are multifaceted beings. We are not just one person because some parts of ourselves are at the different stage in growing up emotionally.

People that have lack of self worth would be most likely lacking encouragement from their parents as well as experience lack of emotional closeness with them. That’s when they grow in years but are still dependent upon approval of some sort of authority and lack self worth, self reliance etc.

It doesn’t have to be exact for every case as we are dynamic beings and there are many variables that come into place, but we can generalize like this with high possibility.

This is why I think being lonely means to experience some emotional lack inside of you, not knowing and/or accepting who you are and being dependent on something outside of you for feeling fulfillment, self worth, acceptance etc. (if it comes from outside of yourself, it will always be only temporary)

In this situation you can’t be happy when alone and you feel lonely.

It is not the other person that makes you feel happy. You can be surrounded by people and still be lonely.